College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
