My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
