Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize