apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm bleeding and have questions
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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