I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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