how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
