So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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