you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
