This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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