nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
