hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
