he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
