And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
