i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
