fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
