I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
