The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
