I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My vagina just clenched in fear
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
