just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
