ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
