she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
