He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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