How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
