I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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