Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well you can't waste a boner
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
