The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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