I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize