i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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