remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
