One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
