just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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