My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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