If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize