yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
