Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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