swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
