Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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