omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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