i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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