so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
