oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
