come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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