so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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