girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
