Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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