He is such a slut. More and more my type.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize