I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
