if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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