My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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