Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
