she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
