That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
