And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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