my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
