Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
