The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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