good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
