bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
