I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
