As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
