she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
