I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I can't put those talents on a resume
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
