So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
