make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We left an ass print on the piano.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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